Zeke has been changing and growing so much over these past few weeks. Last Saturday his first 2 teeth came in on the bottom. And since we got to Grammie and pop pops he's been reading books, dancing and singing. I'm serious. He's say "buh...buh" (book) and points to the pages in the book while babbling the whole time. And last night while faith was playing the piano he was on his knees and started dancing. Then to top it off while eating breakfast this morning he was singing jiggle bells with me. Each time I sang a verse I would stop and then he would wiggle and dance in his high chair and sing, then I would sign the next verse. Such a smart cookie!
I think this has been the sunniest winter I have had in 17 years. Nyssa is sunny most days and on the days where it's overcast the clouds are still high and split up. Bremerton has to be one of the most darkest places in the world, other then Alaska of course :) One thing is for sure I will miss many friends from that part but I never want to live there again. I'm done with dark wet winters. It makes my mind start to melt just writing about it. I am so thankful that we get to live in a place where there will be sun. I'm actually not that excited about year round summer though. I love fall and winter and crisp air. I love seeing the seasons change. So that part I'll miss. I lived in New Hampshire till I was 15. The seasons there are wonderful. The winters are snowy and cold but also sunny and crisp. I think it's the best of all 4 seasons.
With 4 boys though, year round summer will mean endless days of riding bikes and walks after dinner. It will be a nice change from these last 17 years in the pacific NW.
We just have one week left till we leave for our small little rock. I'm getting anxious, I really want the boys to get to their new home. We've been talking about moving for 10 months now and I think they are ready for it to finally be real. I know I am!

Everyone playing together so well this morning with play-doh. So thankful for times like this when they are all enjoying each other. Eli has been watching storm chasers so this is his tornado.

This week Zeke started sitting up and climbing. He's gonna be 7 months on the 10th. We love this little boy so much. He's a complete joy in our family.

Eli keeps doing these little experiments in the house. This one was hot water with salt and red food coloring that he called "blood water". And the snake in the tub...well if you stare at it long enough it looks real and totally freaks me out.

We did pumpkins last night. Super fun as always and lots of creativity. Eli did his own cutting this year. Super proud of him.

Here's to the last few days we have on the northwest. Fort building is so fun and I'm sure it will continue when we get to Hawaii. Love it when they play like this :)

I thought I would send an update on some news we got over the weekend.  Last Monday we had an offer on our house and even though that offer would mean we would walk away with $0 money, we gladly accepted it.  Later that week we had the inspection for that offer.  The next morning we received the report from the inspection and it was not good.  We learned that the foundation of our house is no longer structurally sound and would need some pretty extensive engineering. 


 We also learned that we would need to put in a curtain drain along the side of our house that would properly allow road water to not end up under our house.  There were other issues as well but those were the biggest ones.  After speaking with our friend/contractor and him looking at the photos of the damage, he told Issues that it would cost us around $25,000 to fix. This was due to the fact that we would have to hire a certified foundation specialist/engineer to make sure it was done right and because the house would have to be jacked up (this was also what the inspector said).

It was a sad weekend for us as we lost our buyer and all confidence that our house would be able to sell.













We both felt the tension of wanting to ask God "WHY", because we knew in our hearts that we needed to be asking "How".  Jeff has been talking about this for weeks in our house and Eric had just preached on it on Sunday.  It was so so hard to not ask God Why?.  I thought about all the work we have done on this house, how all our boys were born here.  How we always thought this house was from God and He had brought it to us...why would He bring us a house He knew would do this?  I had to stop and pray and ask God for help.  Help to ask Him how He wanted me to respond to this instead of asking WHY?. I even found myself listing off to God all our great qualities and how we have been such faithful stewards of His money and resources.  Never in debt, never buying more then we had money for, never missing a payment, never going over our means (do I sound like someone we all know here!).

I had much to boast about, much to take pride in.  And in my mind I assumed we would be blessed in the ways that I felt added up.  "PLUS", I told God, "we are giving up all our friends, community, security of Job, to move to a blip in the middle of the ocean. Surely You would not allow this to be if we are doing all these things."  It was a hefty case I had.  I looked across the room and I saw God sitting in the chair, hands folded, eyes restful and warm.  He waited till I was done and then asked me to come and sit with Him.





It's hard to have cracks in your walls, to have unsure footing, to know that underneath, there is stuff that is broken and the cost is great to fix it.  And isn't that me...I have cracks and underneath there's stuff...lot's of stuff, some of it hiding, some of it visible. And the cost was great to fix to make me whole and new!  And the price to fix it all...all the broken and damaged of the world was His Son.  It was a pivotal moment in my faith and relationship with Jesus.



Why do we/I start to question Him and His goodness when trials like these come.  Why does my mind go to punishment instead of blessing.  I'm thinking about this...it's changing me.




So here's what's happening next.  We can't fix the house.  There is no money.  We never in all our lives thought that we would be in the pile of people who walked away.  So Jeff called the bank and told them the story.









Surprisingly, they were very sympathetic and understood our circumstances.  They told us what forms to fill out and how to go about the next steps.  Most likely the bank will fix the house and then resell it.  We don't think they will loose much because we bought it early on in the market, it was actually purchased for it's value.  (At least that's what I'm telling myself)

Our plan is to stay here until the first week of January, keep paying our mortgage and try to assist with the short sale until we leave.













We would appreciate your prayers for these coming months as we do all we can to sell it before we leave.  Jeff and I both feel "released" from the issue and do not see it as some "sign" that we are not suppose to go.  I thought of that one also.  But God quickly said that was a lie from the Great Deceiver and to keep my eyes up on Him.  Thanks for reading...love you all!

Kim

Zeke just rolled over from back to tummy!!

I worked on the yard today and I pretended like it was gonna be mine for a long time.  If I was doing it like it was only mine for 6 more months I might not have worked as hard.  And I guess that's what I have to keep doing.  

Silas is now doing some physical and speech therapy. He has some minor delays in both areas but it's nothing that can't be fixed with a bit of help.  He's brilliant though and amazes me daily with how he processes, and he loves numbers.  He's counting to 100 and adding/subtracting all sorts of number combinations.  I wanted to get this looked at before we left.  Right now we are covered under the state and it's free.  I don't know what it's gonna be like when we get to Kauai or if they will even have a program like this.  He did great this morning and even though he didn't want to leave the house to go, he was very supportive of being there because he knew that he would get coco from the little stand in the lobby...it makes all the difference.

The corner I'm currently walking around is to live these next 6 months like its all that's left .  So I'll slow it down and pack in all I can fit.  I'll try.
The plan is to look at the weather on Mondays and make plans accordingly.  It's kinda like someone tells you that you have 6 months to live so you better start working on that bucket list. 
This bucket list is pretty short though.    
        1. Spend as much time with
those I love as much as I possibly can.

                      That's it...

I think that's what I should have been doing the whole time but maybe didn't realize it.  Life has a way of creeping up on you and being more then you expected.  Or less..depends on what's at stake.  My hope is that I'll be changed by all that I've been shown.  I guess I have an opportunity here to embrace and grow.  Being His guest here in this story I will try to just go with the corner and enjoy this part of the chapter.

You know what's scary about this?  I don't want to be forgotten.  That might sound selfish...but it's so true.  They know my quirks and weaknesses, they appreciate my strengths.  I'm not a big ? mark.  I know that life will keep moving as I turn this corner and I'll so wanna be back in "this" story.  I'll be on to a new story with new people.  Honestly I spent most of my life wanting to feel known and had no idea how to make it happen.  My failed attempts brought such disappointing results.   And then it happened.  I stopped watching my back and looking over my shoulder, I put my guard down.
A girl I know asked me if it was possible that there could be someone there who needed me and I needed them. "Don't want it"...I said.  But she's right.  She has to be.  And I hear in a quiet wisper..."It's ok little girl, I got it.  There's something ahead you can't possibly imagine.  It's gonna all work out."  SO hold on heart...here we go!





Then there's Zeke. 
He's liquid sunshine...didn't know it was possible to have liquid sunshine but it is.
It's right here...

Jeff asked me to write.
So here it goes....


I've been thinking lots about what it's gonna mean to move to Kauai.  Jeff asked me to write whats been going on from the perspective of the mom/wife.  Really its all very surreal.  Most days it's still something I can't even imagine actually happening, even though Jeff keeps telling me it will.  Recently though I find myself looking more closely at the things around me that I had started to overlook.  The mountains on my way home from taking Eli to school, they've recently made their appearance again now that it's June, and our days are a bit more clear.  So when I'm sitting at the red light on the hill overlooking the Olympic's, I look a little bit longer.  Same thing has been happening with the evergreen trees...There so big...and green.

But that's just the beginning.  There's lots more.  I'm leaving all I've known since I was 15 when I moved here from New Hampshire.  I had always thought that when I grew up I would try my hardest to let my kids live in the same house and go to the same school for all their growing up.  I wanted that so bad, mostly because by the time I graduated High School I had been to 13 different schools and moved 15 times.  And even though I'd like to think that I turned out fine, it really was disruptive.  So I swore I would never do it..never move! Not completely realistic to think that would happen, but moving to Kauai is way different then moving to even a different state.  We have become so connected to this community in Washington, the friends that I have made over these years are deeply rooted in who I have become and so many have become family.  I'll admit, I am concerned about the culture and what it will be like in the first few years.  Who will I go to coffee with, who will I meet at the park to talk about kid stuff and complain about the weather.  Where will we go when we need to be with those who will love us on our worst day.  Who will walk with us when our pieces are scattered all over and my world needs a gluten free chocolate cookie and a chai latte.  It's slightly depressing to think for more than a few moments what my world will be like without all my favorite people that I need dearly.
Also this fall we have decided to home school Eli.  The drive back and forth is too much with all these monekys, I'm not ready to have him gone all day, birth work is so unpredictable and I think it will be one less transition we will have to deal with next year. Yet in the back of my mind I have "what the heck am I doing", running around, but I think it will be best for all of us. 
These past few months I have been working with Carol Gautschi, CPM, LM.  She has been my midwife for all my boys.  It was always the plan that when the time came for me to do my apprenticeship that I would work with her.  She has been a midwife for over 30 years and I deeply respect her care for mothers and babies.  On Kauai there is a limited number of midwives.  I'm sure that they are great but I need to work with Carol, she's the type of midwife that I want to be.  So when Jeff asked me if I had any reservations about going to Kauai back in January, I told him that I was sad that I wouldn't get to work with Carol.  Jeff said that we could make it work and so we have.  It's like changing the DNA of your family to work with a midwife.  I'm doing clinic with her on Fridays and attending 2-3 births a month.  It's minimum work compared to the work that most apprenticeships involve but she needed the help and I am thankful for her being so flexible with my schedule and the fact that I have 4 boys!  My hope is that the work will continue when we get to Kauai and that I will also be able to teach birth classes in the space that Jeff finds for the Coffee shop.  There's lots to look forward to when we get there.
The hardest area for me to trust right now is the selling of our house.  Our house is small, the ceilings are low and it's close to a road.  Those are the feedback comments that we consistently get back.  None of those are things that bothered us when we bought it and none of those things are things we can change.  So...Sigh...we wait.  And I try not to get toilet head as I clean one more time just to have it not be "the one".
And lastly this whole part of placing all of our finances in the hands of Jesus, yeah that's been hard.  It's been a blessing these years to have a steady paycheck, one that's reliable.  It's one thing to raise support for a mission trip, a whole nother thing to raise it for our LIFE.  It feels funny to be depending on people to pay our bills.  It's hard to change the perspective and remember that it's God we are depending on and not really the people.  Jeff and I both are sluggish when it comes to this part of the process, but we have some mailers getting ready so make sure you run to your mailbox everyday and read our letter :)
And so this is what happens when you really start to mentally put yourself somewhere else.  Do the benefits of moving to Kauai outweigh what we have here.  Jokingly I would say yes...but really the answer is no.  My community is here, friends, family, an established life, none of that is better then sunshine and beaches.  I know this  because if you told me that I could live in perfect tropical paradise but be utterly and completely alone...I wouldn't go.  No, the only thing that really is bringing us to the middle of the Pacific is God, the owner and creator of the Universe.



Some days I'm excited, some days I'm sad, but most days at this point I'm still pretty freaked out.  I have peace, that deep inner still solidness that anchors my heart and soul, but I'm still slightly freaked out. 

So those are just some of the areas that I'm processing as we start this journey.

Love you all...

Here is Eli's entry for the Fair & Stampede this year.

(All his words)

So baby Zeke is 3 weeks today and he's really a sweet boy.  The boys love to run up and say hi to him, Eli loves to kiss his head and says "Hi sneaky, I love you".  Silas loves to say "He's still so cute!" and then slip his finger in his little hand.  Moses wants to hold him and then he just giggles. I hold him and look at him in complete awe and bliss.  But here's a bit of our day...I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself.  I get up and put baby in the sling.  Jeff try's to turn the dishes and make the kids breakfast before he leaves.  I wonder if I should take a shower now or wait till later.  If he's asleep I'll try to get hop in while Jeff stays with him.  But if I'm tired then I'll just stay in bed till the boys are fed.  I'll sit with the boys and watch cartoons and eat oatmeal and hold Zeke.
The boys get dressed and I so do I.  This morning we went upstairs played.  I went down to make a snack for the kids and then they ended up outside.  Snack, lunch...then I realized it was time to take Eli to school (12:15).  4 boys out the door and into the car. Takes about 30 minutes...Silas and Mo are spitting at Eli as he tries to buckle them in.  AHHHHH!!!!  I run out and take care of that...put The Sneak in the bucket and take him out.  But wait!!!  I stop and pick up Brooks and she comes and makes my trip a billion times easier.  She runs Eli into school, she runs into Fred Meyers while I nurse in the van and then we hop over to Bethany's to grab the Ergo I was letting her use.  Back at home we do some 2nd lunch and she folds my laundry and THEN puts it all away.  We're back in car at 2:58 to take Brooks home and pick up Eli at school.  Sigh....that was today.  At some point I got a killer head ache and sat on the couch till Jeff got home.  The boys played out side and whacked each other with pipe light sabers on the trampoline.  I did manage to cook some fish for fish taco's, which Jeff finished when he got home.

All that to say I'm really excited to home school this fall...because the feeling of being forced to put 4 kids in the car in the heart of my day and then do it again a few hrs later is not really working.  And I have other reasons, but the two most obvious reasons that I've come to are #1 Eli is small and I am not ready for him to be in another world for 6 hrs.  There might be a time for that, but it's not now.  And #2 We'll be moving in the winter and I don't want to have to pull him out of school in the middle of the year.  But reason #1 is really the real one.  Number #2 just sounds wise and sensible.

It doesn't get any better than this. This is his favorite outfit these days. But it was raining today so I told him he had to wear socks and a long sleeve shirt. After having a tantrum about that he finally put them on. I still gave him a choice of which shirt to wear underneath and I wasn't gonna push wearing a sweatshirt. Hat was his pick! But he still had a fit when I tried to take his picture.

"I like sneaky bean", says Mo. "I hold him, I hold sneaky bean?"