The big wave

When the weekend comes for me it's like a big wave.  I've paddled hard all week and the water, cold and unforgiving at times, has worked me hard and I'm ready to ride.  I've waited for that one good one to come and I look over my shoulder (seeing her in sight), get that twisty upside feeling and say to my self "here I go".   And when it comes I lean in, cup my hands and stir hard, a frantic paddle.  And She's a big one I think...She's the one that I've waited for and now all I have to do, is ride her in...

But the look on this guys face is like "holy freaking cow...how the hell did I get way out here!!!"  And far to often that's the expression on my face when the weekend starts.  And you can't turn a wave off...it's going...and it's going hard! It will eat you up and wash you up.

And this where your like "what?"...I know... But Jeff and I usually have hard weekends.  I've been doing my thing and he's been doing his and we both want to ride that wave and coast.  And expectations crumble in a pile of "if you only" and "why can't you just".  It's just such a messy pile.  A broken pile.

and I lose that opportunity to be 'all in it together' and I stop being 'in it for the long run'.  It's sad and it's not the person I wanna be...

And because we live in a world where it's hard to get it right...why do it alone?

So we have some waves to ride this weekend and a few road trips up our sleeve.  I'm ready...I'm ready to charge it hard (together).  And if I get that feeling like my flag is frayed and I need a gold a star, I won't hesitate to just say it out loud and get it out.  Because I bet that he's feeling like his flag is a bit frayed also and he probably want's some one to give him a gold star too.  And I desperately want to look back 50 years from now and be able to look him in the eyes and know that on his worst day I loved him and we road that wave together. And we'll be at the beach people so who knows what will happen...see you in a week!