Man I love this kid...
He's just life... and we need him. He's the smile in the morning that I need to start my day. Cuz my last few days haven't been my best and it feels like I have someone else's underwear on. The day is hard enough on it's own, I really don't need more of me to make it more complicated. But sometimes I'm just sad, like really sad. Like so sad that I crawl into my bed in a ball and just cry really really hard. So hard that when I woke up this morning Jeff was like, why do you look so tired. I have this thing that happens to me when I cry, my eyes stay puffy for like the whole next day. I hated that when I was a little kid and I had to go to school the next day, so I lied and told people that I had allergies.
So I have no idea why I cried so hard. I mean I was sad but it was so much more.
And I desperately tried so hard to redeem today. I woke up determined to have a really great day. But Silas wanted his pancakes in like warp speed and I just couldn't hold all the pieces together and it didn't take much. I mean who wakes up and think that they can redeem ANYTHING...impossible. Just a broken mess.
So Silas quickly crumbled into a pile of broken peices and didn't want to wear socks or put on boots or anything. And I heard my sweet friend Michelle in my ear saying "Just hug him". So I got on my knees and held him and he melted in my arms. And I melted into his. And this was just what I needed. I brought him over to Jeff and as I walked away I heard Jeff say to him, "Silas, even on your worse day, we love you." And I smiled. Because that's what we need more than anything, to be loved on our worse day. Please love me on my worse day. Please love your kids on their worse day. I promise that we will melt into a pile of goo. And all the hard places will crumble away.
So I have more photos of pumpkins and a football game. And out side a few snooty looks and comments (mostly from yours truly), the day was ok. I mean not like this wonderful day that I imagined, but Jeff and I were laughing really hard in the car on the way home from the game, and holding hands, and laughing so hard we where crying...so that's a pretty good turn around. I'll take it...
2 comments
You are so good with words! What a beautiful picture of your day and your heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life. You are a wonderful Momma!! Would it help to do laundry at my house? :) (By the way this is Candice not Jon. Don't want to creap you out.)
ReplyDeleteHi Post a Comment!!!