Say goodbye to the world you think you live in

I think this morning I woke with that feeling that goes something like "today is not today"...and that it's definitely not all mine.

Moses poops on the carpet, my fault, but really....no wipes, come on.
Silas pee's his pants...
And some how all the parenting tactics that I thought would work for those hard moments start to slip away and I feel like I'm not the right one for the job...surely someone else would do better.  But not me...and all the ways I thought I wouldn't speak or react, are right in front of my face.  And I remember oh, that's right...the world is a broken place and I'm a broken person with broken kids. But please not today, today is just too hard to feel so broken.  
The laundry is piled sky high because the washer has been broke since last Sunday (they come tomorrow)
The dishwasher warrenty customer serive lady is transfering me for the 3rd time to the right person..."really the warrenty needs to be renewed...funny."

Really in denial that today was...mine.

Someone else would wear it so much better.
Today I must be wearing someone else's underwear.

So luckily today is Wednesday and that means woods walk with Michelle and that means I leave the house no matter what.  With Jeff's pants on and no bra I started chucking kids into the car...they didn't even have to be my kids...I just started chucking them in the car.  Ran back inside, got dressed, and grabed cheese sticks, apples and water (and my chocolate bar) and ran out the door.
And then we did this...

and I took a deep breath and soaked it in.



And soaked in the safety of a friend that loves me...


...oh and lot's of sunshine.



  And fell back in love with my kids for all the right reason's...even all the broken ones.

"I tried to live alone But lonely is so lonely, alone.    So human as I am I had to give up my defences So I smiled and tried to mean it To let myself let go"

See you tomorrow...Tomorrow... :)